I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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