before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
