Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
