I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
