sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
