He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You smell like stripper and shame
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
