I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They took my balls.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
