Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
