he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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