why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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