first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
