he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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