I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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