Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
