I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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