Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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