thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
