She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
