I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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