There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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