do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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