watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
