There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
