We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
