Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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