I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
