Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
