why didn't you poke me back
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
