So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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