haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
