I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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