There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
should my penis look like a turkey
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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