i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
