I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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