I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
