Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
