You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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