So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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