He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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