i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
