my mouth tastes like poor choices
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
