bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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