Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
