I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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