another moral hangover. fuck.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
