Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
