I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
