i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
