idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
