What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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