Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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