Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
