Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
