i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
