Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
